In a time where everything is instant, it is easy to get frustrated when things don’t come to you as quick as Amazon Prime.
When it comes to our Goals we want the quick fix, the fast lane, the que jump. The pill that will make us slimmer or the winning lottery ticket.
But as Lisa Nichols says, “You can’t Google download this”.
I have caught myself thinking “I will be happy when…. I achieve X, Y or Z”, and actually the process leading to it can then become frustrating or dissapointing, especially if it hasn’t all happened in the time frame I had hoped.
If you find yourself thinking “I’ll be happy when I get the house, the car, the job, the family or the baby ” Just sit back and ask yourself why that is?
So many of us are living in the future and it is causing alot of stress, anxiety and depression. We are also pinning alot of responsibility on that one thing to provide us with happiness.
The most common one for us ladies is “I’ll be happy when I lose a stone” or “When I can fit back in those jeans i’ve kept for 3 years”. Why are we waiting to be happy?
I was curious, so, I looked into it.
James Clear, author of Atomic Habits explains more about goals in his book.
“Goals are great, but we should be more focused on the systems. Systems are the processes that lead us to the Goal. A goal cannot be achieved without a system, but a system survives without the Goal.”
He talks about how being totally Goal orientated can lead to “either/or thinking” (which is dangerous Psychological territory) Either, I achieved the goal and I am a success, or I didn’t and therefore I am a failure.
Can you imagine how many of us feel like this when we don’t lose weight that week? or didn’t get to the gym like we told ourselves we would? By mis-managing our expectations and unrealistic time frames, we are beating ourselves up over and over again and delaying our happiness.
He further explains “When you fall in love with the process instead of the product, you don’t have to wait to be happy”
Concentrate on how much you enjoyed your meal instead of the calories, focus on how you feel after you’ve been for a run and how much energy you have instead of how hard it might be. Enjoy the process.
I heard John C Maxwell say “it isn’t the day the person graduates that they have finally achieved something, it is the day they sign up for the course.”
So it isn’t the day you lose the 3 stone, it is the day you decided to do something about it.
There is no quick fix to happiness and no relationship, job or house is going to give that to us. We are responsible for our own happiness and we don’t have to wait for it.
There is good in everyday, the hot cup of coffee in the morning, when the kids go to bed on time, a hot bath or a laugh with friends.
Enjoy the present as really that is all we have. The past is gone and we have no idea what the future holds. Give yourself permission to be happy, and focus on the small achievements everyday instead of the big ones.