As women we often describe our day to day lives as spinning plates.
There is the house plate, the work plate, the dog walking plate, the childcare plate, the remembering and buying gifts for everyone’s birthday’s plate and of course there is the Christmas plate.
It really can get too much and trying to juggle and spin all those plates is exhausting!
Well recently, I dropped all the plates and said I don’t want this life, I cannot continue at this level of output with no help.
Now some women have this nailed! So bravo to those who don’t even try to spin all the plates as they realise it is a trap! But I am speaking to those of us who believe these things are our responsibility, or have been told it is. Those of you who don’t think you are allowed to ask for help and have to carry this weight on your own, those of you who are people pleasers, like me.
I like to say I am an ex-people pleaser now, but it is still a work in progress as I have been one for so many years. The important take away from this is:
Even though society expects this from you, YOU are the person choosing to do it all.
Now I used to get really angry at this and think “No I am not choosing this never ending stress cycle, I don’t get any help and it is his fault or her fault.” I had no idea I was CHOOSING this life. The anger you feel isn’t actually at the external thing or person, it is at yourself, for not speaking up.
I didn’t ask for help and I didn’t openly explain that it wasn’t working for me, I just passive aggressively dug my way through it. AND FAILED.
So I smashed all the plates and re-set the bar with new expectations and boundaries. Something I was not clear on before.
Do you think men have any of these phrases said to them?
• God how do you work full time and look after the kids?
• How do you work and keep the house clean and walk the dog
- How are you coping with the Dad guilt?
- You have to have another child, that is just how it is. How could you do leave your child alone?
No they don’t!
What’s worse, is that it is other women saying this to each other!!!! What the actual hell?! We are all struggling to stay above water and yet we are dishing out the judgey statements to one another!!!
I HATE to admit it but I have given a few judgey statements in my time. Mostly before I actually had all the plates and didn’t realise what it was like. But it is wrong and I apologise to any of you if I have added this pressure to your shoulders, it isn’t cool.
We all know what it is like ladies so let’s try and support each other through this.
I am no longer afraid to say that I want an equal life and relationship. I want straight down the middle shared tasks and responsibility and frankly we shouldn’t have to ask for it!
I am no longer going to apologise for what I need or what I expect. I am no longer going to hold myself back in my career or sacrifice my life to support someone else’s. I have dreams of my own you know. We should all be supporting each other, in our relationships and friendships. No one person’s life is of more value than another’s.
People will judge you when you start to take back your life, and it will be hard, but my god will it be worth it.